Wednesday, November 30, 2016

grateful


( chalkboard print from garvinandco)

You know, this year, I won't lie, has been a really awful, terrible, no good, very bad kind of year. We lost Prince, Leonard Cohen, Professor Snape himself, and David Bowie. We've had terrorism strike Aleppo and Syria, Hillary Clinton's heartbreaking election results, and the resurgence of hate groups in America that have long since been silent suddenly rearing their ugly heads. 2016 can go down as one of the worst years we as a world have ever experienced. I don't think anyone would fight me there on that.

As the holiday season slowly begins to creep in the backyard and faintly knock on the door, I will admit it's been hard to find the silver lining out of this shit year. It's been hard to get excited. I know for myself, there's lots up in the air that is making it hard to get onboard with everything. I've been stressed out about our move, finding a position, money... being an adult has its' advantages and disadvantages sometimes.

Nevertheless, I strive to be an optimist, and I know there are many personal and wonderful things to be grateful for this year.

My sister. You guys, Sarah has had such an amazing year and I am so incredibly happy for her. Not only did she get married this March to the best guy around, Justin, but she surprised everyone at Thanksgiving with the news that she is expecting a little boy come May! My sister is such a strong and encouraging lady. She's been blessed with such joy this year in ways I have always hoped as her sister she would receive, and I cannot wait to see what 2017 brings. I know I personally cannot wait to have a baby nephew to hold and spoil!

Ashley. It would go without saying that of course I'm thankful and grateful for my fiancee and partner, but this year especially takes a special spot. Ashley has been my rock and my support while I finished school, and in return, she has finally been granted some well-earned congratulations for getting into grad school for PT. She has worked diligently to get accepted into the program and I cannot wait to be there for her the way she was for me this year in so many ways. We officially reached not only our two year anniversary this year, but also started the countdown to our wedding, as it now less than a year away! October 22, 2017 will be here before we know it.

Family. I really did luck out sometimes when I think about the support system I have, not only with the family I was born into but the family I choose as well. The people who I am so lucky enough to have surround me, that's who really are the greatest. My mom, Ashley's mom, Caitlin, Jessi, Megan (MJ!)... So many wonderful people, and seriously you all are the real MVP. Thank you for caring, for appreciating, for supporting. I'd be lost without you all.

I think this about sums up my thankful thoughts for this year. I know 2016 has been pretty rough, but I'm so excited to see what's next. 2017 has some pretty amazing and wonderful events to plan.

Monday, November 21, 2016

the big news...

So after months and months of not really telling a soul on social media what my plans are for the upcoming year, it's finally time. A lot of thought has gone into this, and this is going to be a really great thing for both Ashley and I. The big news is....

We are moving to North Carolina!

Ashley has been accepted into the Doctorate of Physical Therapy program at Campbell University! After working incredibly hard over the last 6 years to apply, she has finally been granted the opportunity she deserves. I cannot tell you how excited I am for her to embark on this. If ever my amazing partner had a passion, working in the physical therapy field would be it. She is perfectly suited for the job; she loves working with people, helping people, and she definitely finds purpose in the career. I am so proud of how hard she has worked to get to this point in her life, and I cannot wait to support her as she goes through this journey.

With her acceptance into Campbell, we are officially moving to the Raleigh area mid December, and then coming back down to Georgia to enjoy the holidays and finish out work before returning to North Carolina for the new year. We already have our apartment signed off on and ready to go, and now comes the difficult part.

I currently am trying to find a new position in NC, since my position in Atlanta stays at the corporate office only here. I am looking at this at the new opportunity for us both to start anew and on a fresh blank page, so I am solely looking into my field of publishing, editing, and writing for a new career move. I have a couple of leads towards some great things, just hoping for one big opportunity to pan out for me, so stay tuned for that. I'm hopeful and optimistic, even if secretly I'm scared shitless at the idea of not quite having the job I desire when we move. Having any job would make me feel much more comfortable, but being offered a position with a company that fuels my creative desires and plays on my passions for publishing? That's the dream.

Ever since I was a little girl, the publishing process has fascinated me. I was the kid reading more books than I required to in school, absorbing them the way a starved individual does with seeing food for the first time. In high school, I worked on the staff for our literary magazine as a senior editor, putting together layouts, designing documents, and editing our manuscript. I always told myself if I could find a job that let me do that, I would be happy for the rest of my days. It's that kind of career I so desperately am searching for. Not only would something like that make me feel like I am valued and I have a purpose, but I get to be creative and actually utilize the degree I spent so long obtaining and working towards. It would validate every section of my heart that all of that hard work was not in vain, and that in fact, I could really have a career that makes getting up for work everyday a pleasure and a joy. I want that for myself, for my family, and for my future. I don't want to settle for anything less than, but it's hard.

Thankfully, I have some solid contacts with a few places in the area that I am maintaining communication with in hopes I can reach my goal. It's not without it's frustrations, of course. I think the hardest part of job searching is the feeling that me on paper does not accurately reflect me in person and I hate feeling judged before I get a chance or opportunity to show who I really am to someone. Sometimes I just want to scream, "I can do anything if you just give me the chance!" I'm hoping soon I will have some good news in that area.

Otherwise, we are pressing forward the best way we can. I am continuing my search in hopes of that magical someone to take a chance and give me the opportunity I deserve, and we are looking into furnishing an apartment all over again. There is still lots to come, and lots to decide, but hopefully, things will settle down into something wonderful before too long. This move does not come without its' challenges for sure, but I am positive we will weather whatever storm comes our way.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Post-election blues



(photo from Pinterest)

I think what a lot of people are not understanding about why so many people are so heartbroken and upset about the election results is for many reasons. When you are not part of the majority, meaning you're a woman, gay, Muslim, an immigrant, black, poor, disenfranchised, any part of the minority, anytime you get to experience some form of success or some waves of progress, it gives you unbelievable hope, that even though things have been bad before, they will change into becoming something even better. That even though yesterday was full of hate and darkness, that tomorrow has a sunrise and it's going to be bright.

The day the Supreme Court brought down the decision that marriage equality was law of the land, I never thought in a million years that I would get to marry the woman that I am so passionately in love with that quickly. Like many, I was sure our fight would be long and difficult. Just the gay rights movement in our country alone has accomplished extraordinary feats in a very small amount of time in the grand scheme of things. That day brought me undeniable joy, that maybe the bigotry and hate that I've experienced and seen happen in our country for so long, was finally on its way out the door.


As a woman, I know what it's like to be afraid to walk anywhere in a populated area, in the dark, alone. I cannot tell you how many times I've crossed the street to avoid a group of men, or made sure that I was as far away from that person on the sidewalk as I can get, because I was raised under the impression that there are good people in this world but there are bad people too, and you have to be able to defend yourself if need be. The cat calling, the comments, the Internet trolls that hide behind their anonymous facades that believe they're not doing anything wrong, because they're expressing their opinion… These things hurt people. They affect people. And they plant seeds for bigger hurts and for greater crimes.


As an American, I've seen what my black brothers and sisters in this world have gone through, at the hands of brutal police and ignorance amplified. The racial slurs, the outward hatred, the overwhelming anger that emerges from someone who cannot empathize for another human being's experiences... we do not live in a post-racial society, the matter how many times you've been taught to believe that. We are not colorblind. And Black Lives Matter. But we have a very big problem that goes very deep in our country, when it comes to race, and that wound is still far too fresh and far too deep to say it doesn't exist.


The president elect, an upper-class white man who is wealthy and does not understand the common man's needs and the common woman struggles, is not the kind of person who can understand the division that he has brought into this country. He has spent almost 2 years crisscrossing the country touting hateful remarks about individuals and groups of people that are different than him. He has spent months discussing how he has plans to change this country, and take it back to a time that America was never really that great. A lot of his suggestions are fueled by the fact that he touched on a trimmer in this country that a lot of people who voted for him, the older white population of this country, have felt and have seen as they've gotten older. My generation is one full of embracing diversity, making sure everyone has a seat at the table, and lifting up those around us to make sure everyone has equal rights, and that no one is more equal than another. The older generation who elected our president elect, lived through the civil rights movement, second wave feminism, the kind of social and civil movements we've only read about in textbooks, because my generation did not live through those. We were raised in a world that believes we are special, we are unique because we have different talents and different viewpoints, and that we can be whatever we want to be, as long as we work hard enough and are passionate enough about the cause.


Our older generations made it clear that they feel their needs and wants have been ignored, and perhaps the world is changing far too quickly for them to be able to keep up with, and that they're afraid that they're going to lose the security of what they've always had. I think more than anything we all know that while their feelings are justified because they are their feelings, those fears are not correct. What hurts the most is the realization that half of my country believes that I am less than, and is afraid of change, of women, of anything not the norm. We want to change the world to make it a more loving place, for everyone, not just because of the color of your skin, the gender of the partner you choose, or the religion that you find truth and faith in. This is why so many millennials and younger people in this world were so hopeful for this election, because we finally saw that perhaps all of the change and progress that we have been working so hard towards would finally pay off in a big way. The fight was never just going to end with Hillary becoming president, it just cemented the fact that it had a place, it had a purpose, and that we were moving towards a bigger and brighter future.


The election of this demagogue, this man who has freely express his intentions of assaulting women, of racial slurs towards Mexicans and immigrants, of fear disguised as anger towards Muslims and black Americans, is very painful for those of us hoping to continue on with the wave of progress and change. This is a very large step backwards for the fight for equality, for civil liberties, and for general decency. We cannot simply fall in line behind this. The office of the presidency is supposed to be one of honor, national pride, hope, and the belief that we elected one of the better of us to lead us towards our best versions of ourselves. As an American, I believe in the values of democracy, that everyone has a voice and a say in how their country works and operates, and how our laws are created and passed and put into use. There's a very strong sense of pride in knowing that you directly affect the government, and that you were able to make a difference in passing that a law or creating that change in the system or moving forward towards a better future.To me, and I'm sure to many others, the person who is the president elect does not reflect our values as a country. In our constitution, we have a line that states, "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal." If we abandon the principles of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, to give way to the racism, discrimination, misogyny, and fear that so many people feel because they do not understand the way the progress that is here and breaking on the shore, we will not be the America we have always been and deserve to continue to be.


The world that I was brought into, is not the world that I live in as an adult. And that's a good thing. Because that means that we are evolving, changing, and growing towards becoming something bigger and something better. This is a big blow, because it feels very much like hate has won, and it reminds all of us how much more work there still is to do before we're able to bask in the glory of what we can be. In the grand scheme of things, we are still a very young nation in the world. Our cousins across the sea have many centuries on us, and they still struggle with being able to do what's best for their country as well, as we saw with Brexit. This is just another growing pain for a country, and our nation will survive through this, and come out better following this. Right now, this does not feel good, and our rights and our liberties are not safe.


There's so much progress and change that we have made over the last eight years with our current president, that I know our president elect is eager to repeal, cancel, and effectively get rid of, particularly in his first 100 days alone. We need to be able to take the reins ourselves, and realize that he may be the president, but he does not work for himself, he works for us. People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people. We are bigger, we are stronger, and we are harder to break, when we work together to achieve common good. This may be a fatal blow to the nations heart, but we will recover from this heart attack. And he has woken up a sleeping giant, one that has been put to bed for quite some time, because we thought we were on the rise of progress and change.


The next four years, I hope, are filled with protest, organization, lobbying, petitions, and having the best of us with bigger voices than those of us who do not have their platform use their talents to make sure everyone continues to have a seat at the table, that our liberties will not be threatened or taken away, and that they will secure our hope that everyone deserves to feel like they have part of this nation, together. The overwhelming take away from Hillary Clinton's extraordinary campaign is that we are stronger together. As much as this hurts, we need to band together as humans and as Americans, not Democrats and Republicans, not white versus black, not man versus woman, not gay versus straight, not Christian versus Muslim, not us versus them. We need to stand up for those that deserve our protection, and battle together to move forward towards a greater opportunity, and more accepting future.


Yesterday, I mourned. I grieved. I cried. I felt fear, I felt defeated, I felt devastated. I looked ahead, and saw a bleak future, one that I wasn't sure I was going to have part of the way that I originally hoped for.


Today, I've already signed two petitions regarding the electoral college, and how incredibly unfair and false their election practices are. Later today I will be researching every possible way I can get involved, and I can try to pick myself up and move forward, for the fight that is coming. My marriage equality rights will not go down without a bloody fight. My rights as a woman will not disappear if I have any say in it. My liberties as a human being on this earth will not be taken away easily. These are things I will make sure do not disappear. Hillary Clinton said in her concession speech yesterday, this is painful and it will be for a long time. I agree with her, but every setback that we have to survive, a bigger wave of progress will follow it. We've seen this with women's rights movements, gay rights movements, and other civil rights movements towards fairness and equality.


That is what I'm looking forward to. That is what I'm holding onto hope too. The fact that we elected 4 brave and courageous women to the Senate, that gives me hope. The fact that North Carolina successfully elected a brand-new governor, whose hope is to overturn HB2, that gives me hope. The fact that there is some form of good in this world still, gives me hope. It's not a lot, but it's enough.

It's time to put on our armor, and get ready for battle.

I really suck at being productive

Hi friends.

So I have always had a bad habit of starting a project only to leave it halfway through and not finishing it in any timely fashion.

And just like that, 2 months have gone by since my last post. I am so sorry (all, what, 2 of you? We will work on that...)

There are quite a few changes going on around here, and until I get a few more things nailed down, you will just have to continue to be in the dark. But I promise, I should be able to share this good news soon! Just wait a little bit longer for me...

Besides all of that, I had a birthday on November 2nd! I am officially 28 now, and with only 2 years left until I turn 30, I really wanted to start a 30 by 30 list of goals to meet by that birthday. I love monumental birthdays and I love making lists, so I figure this kills two birds with one stone. Once I finalize a list, I promise to post it.

I ended up spending my birthday lazily in bed, drinking a glass of rosé, and treating myself all day long to a pasta lunch, a mani and a pedi, and shopping trip to Target. I used to make a big fuss over my birthdays, but now I have found I care more about having a great meal with entertaining company, be it my fiancée or my family or any one of my countlessly wonderful friends. Time with people who matter means more than any material things.

This is your really bad update for now, but I've more in store.
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